this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We had to coat check the pizza.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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