I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
