And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You brought string cheese to the strip club
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
