she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
