Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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