hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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