I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
