You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
