he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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