She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
