Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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