??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
