I think i peed on brittanys purse
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
