Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
