so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
