I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize