I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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