I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
