be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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