The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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