I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
