Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
