did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
