someone threw a dead crab at me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
