How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
