apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
