People with herpes should wear stickers.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
