On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
should my penis look like a turkey
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
