I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize