No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
