Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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