Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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