worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
