I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
