I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
