You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
