i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
