My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
