I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize