I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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