apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
