And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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