I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i came on her dog
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize