At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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