The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
