yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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