you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
