Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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