It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
