home. puking in laundry basket.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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