He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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