I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
