the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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