what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
