You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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