So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
