in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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