It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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