party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
