so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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