Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize