You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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