your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
