Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
