4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
