i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
