Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
