No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
