I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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