Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
