Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
