I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
