it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
