hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
