My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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