Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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