i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
