I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
