a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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