i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
