I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
