I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize