just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
