i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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