oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will pee on everything he values.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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