I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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