Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
