I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
