You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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