dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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