I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
