Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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