yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
