In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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