don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
