I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
