maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
