I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
