I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she told me i tasted like america
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
