Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
